Beavers Don't Like Dresses

Dresses hate me. They have a conspiracy where they ALL make me look bad, then they choose one that looks good on most people, so I figure, gosh, this dress looks good on her and looks like it looks good on me... Yeah, it fits, I'll get it. Then I take the dress home and finally wear it and I look in the mirror too long and decide, the dress really DOESN'T look good on me. I'm too tall for it. Or too hippy. Or I don't have boobs. (Gosh, I hate it when people blog about boobs. I am SO SORRY to mention them here and make it all awkward, but they are a major factor in Why Dresses Do Not Fit) So then I figure okay, after this, looks like I'll have to get ANOTHER dress...

I swear, the manufacturers have figured out. They totally planned this conspiracy and taught the dresses how to look really bad then decent then bad again. They have little schools where they brainwash the dresses into looking freakish and making everyone who wears them look dumb. And the only way to escape is to pay at least $200 for an absolutely beautiful thing that costs over $200...

So, I'm going to my friend's quinceanera. (Isn't that awesome? I never figured I would be friends with anyone HISPANIC enough to have a quinceanera! I mean, all my other Spanish-speaking friends are too lazy to plan one, or their parents don't wanna throw one, or they ARE having one but can only invite like 5 friends cuz they need room for their seventh cousins and junk...) But anyways, FORMAL!!!!!!! I'll have to wear the (ugly) black dress my mom got me for Homecoming or some other equally lame thing I ended up not going to... And I need shoes. Cuz all I have are ugly Payless things that look like turkeys & pilgrims (Seriously, they do. You have to see them.) So, SHOPPING! We go to Macy's, cuz for some unknown reason my mother loves Macy's, and check out the shoes. They have more AWESOME Ked's flats, like the ones I already own but better looking but not on sale, and then... fancy shoes. :(

And of course, boring or ridiculous, they all cost WAY too much for dumb shoes, in my opinion. WE go through, see a few nice black flats (and some sweet blue-and-white stripedones I'm not allowed to get), but I don't wanna get the shoes just yet cuz, well, I haven't looked at the dress in about a year... It's black... I think the fabric is not shiny but not soft either, kinda glittery meshy, totally unexplainable. So, off to dresses to find a similar-looking dress and jog my memory!!!!!!!!

We find the exact same dress I own. The EXACT same. Probably marked down to abotu 20 bucks by now...

Well, we're here, might as well check out the other dresses... Semi-wearable sundresses (too casual)( >:P I hate you Mommy)(just kidding Mommy x3 )... Super-formal prom dress-types (including Bride of Frankenstein at the Under the Sea Dance and Bride of Frankenstein at the Spring Fling Dance)... And...

OMG A SUPER-CUTE BLACK & WHITE DRESS WITH LACE & PLEATS & FLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I lied. I mean, it WAS super-cute, but my first thought was...

OMG A HILARIOUSLY UGLY BLACK & WHITE DRESS WITH LACE & PLEATS & FLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It looked sooo goth... I had to point it out to my mom so we could laugh at about it and decide which horror movie character would wear it to what dance... But her first thought was "How beautiful!" Then, pretty soon I realized, wow, it WAS beautiful... In a goth-meets-teacup-pattern kinda way...

So I fell in love with it. It is the perfect dress that I will wear someday when I become a rock star... and can pay $200 for it...

But there were a few more decent if not goth-pretty-perfect dresses out there. And my mom let me try them on (I asked to try on the perfect one, but she said no cuz I'd look so good she'd have to buy it. Wow, though annoying, that was actually pretty sweet... Huh. Mothers...) Anyways, I tried on this cool Hawaiian-looking dress that was black with bright blue stuff on it. My mom said it would be very versatile (quince to luau, oh yeah!) And this black dress that my mom liked but I didn't, which was good cuz I didn't quite... fill it out... enough. Then I tried on this babydoll (oh, how I hate that style!) dress with black and white circley, swirly patterns on it that was... actually really fun... Wow, I hate the babydoll-ness, but... This is actually a really cool dress. It's fun to swirl around in. AND it has thick straps so you can actually wear a decent bra under it. That is quite a rarity.

And I tried on this kimono thing I really liked on the rack but hated on me cuz I felt like an old Asian lady. No offense.

But whatever, cuz I was getting the stupid-but-nice babydoll! And possibly the quince-to-luau.

...But...

The only REASON I could get them was they were on the SALE $40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 rack... But they weren't on sale...

:(They were on the wrong rack. They cost about $100 each.

So, the Ugly Back Dress it is! Yay Boringness!!!!!!! >:/

And, yeah, that is my story of why dresses hate me. Looking back on it, it was not much of a story. I could've just told my evil-brainwashing-school-for-dresses theory cuz that was the most interesting part... Ah well... You read it, too late, I'm posting it...

Oh, and some posts on the time I died (It'll make sense in my next post, and if it doesn't, comment and say you'll murder me again if I don't explain it) later... Ciao for now, my good-bye rhymes are lame for any time! wow, I'll shut up...